Is it really just a dream?

When I think about this I think of peter pan. For at least the last 15 years my dreams have haunted me, I feel like I'm chasing shadows.

They all start out the same but they keep getting stronger and stronger as time goes on. I close my eyes to drift off to sleep but the next time I open them I'm not awake.

I'll start with how they where in the past and work my way up to now. I shut my eyes and when I open them its a dream I find it overly hard to tell at first but as it goes on I know I'm not awake.

A figure that looks somewhat like a man is always there I can't tell who he is all I know is that there is something very familiar about him. He always stands at a distance from me never comes close enough for me really to see him. I start getting this feeling that there is going to be a confrontation this doesn't mean a fight or an argument. It just seems like he has something to say to me but he never speaks and the closer I try to get to him the further he seems to be like he wants me to follow. The bad part is I'm scared I don't know why but I always feel very frightened although he has never made a threatening gesture or anything like that towards me.
There has been times that I try to follow him but he keeps backing away and the more I follow him the harder he is to see.

That's how they where for about the first five or six years. I feel that I should tell you that this is not a every night thing hell, its not even a weekly thing but when it does come it stays for awhile. After awhile I grew use to them and they didn't bother me near as bad. I got to a point where I could some what wake my self up and end the dream. When it got to that point it seemed as if the dreams had stopped but boy was I wrong. Yep you guessed it they came back with a vengeance except one thing now the man seemed upset or aggravated that I had found a way to not have to deal with him.

For the next couple of years when I would have the dreams they had changed no longer was I chasing shadows now don't get the wrong idea he wasn't chasing me either. The dream would start the same I would close my eyes and when I would open them again I was in very familiar places but no longer did he want me to follow him in these dreams it was always the same I would get this feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know that one you get when you feel like you may have done something or maybe you where about to get in to a fight. I would open my eyes and be in a room with him sitting or standing at the other side of the room just staring at me and no matter how hard I would try I couldn't look away from him. Which wouldn't really be all that bad but it always seemed like he wanted to say something but he would never speak.

Just like in the other ones I learned or I guess learned is not really a good way to put it but I found a way to wake up from these dreams also. Alright so let me get to now I don't really know how to explain these in a way that I feel you would completely understand the strength of the dreams now. Like I said before at first I could tell it was a dream but now I have issues knowing for sure it all seems so real to me and now it has me in a way that I don't know if I really can handle them much longer with out going insane.

I close my eyes now and when I open them again I honestly can not tell that I'm dreaming but the man is the same just like a shadow always at a distance and never allowing me to see who he is. Some times I try to get closer so just maybe I can catch a glimpse of who he is. But as always he either keeps his distance or he just disappears all together. The ones where he disappears are the worst because then I wake up but I feel like I could still be asleep as if everything is in slow motion like he's still there some where just waiting for me to find him so he can say whatever he needs to say.

This my friends is a terrible feeling because I awake feeling as if I'm in a trance and everyone around me thinks I'm pissed but this is not the case at all honestly I feel scared like I don't know if I'm ever going to wake up and this scares the living crap out of me because there's only a few people I trust to tell this to people who I don't think will look at me as if I'm crazy.

So there it is all out in the open now lets see if this helps.