Let’s Stop Analyzing It...

Today I had a chance to talk to one of my best friends, who also happens to be one of my harshest critics. While he's been "around" all the time, it seems as if it's been years since we last talked, so we had a lot of catching up to do.

We spent a while on the "How ya been?" and "What's new?" ice breaker stuff. I explained to him that in the last couple of years since we'd talked, I have married a wonderful woman, that I'd been given full custody of my daughter and I told him how I had lost my job of two years. I told him all about my wonderful wife, my amazing daughter, and how much losing my job truly sucked. He said he'd noticed some changes in me so I figured I had to explain myself. I let him know that I am no longer the person I used to be. I find myself being able to enjoy the simpler things in life.

The conversation started to get a little strange as he started asking really deep questions. At first I was a little leery to answer them; I didn't know why the hell he would be asking these questions. Like I said though he's a very old and close friend, so I indulged him.
The first question he asked me was why I stopped drinking. I explained that I hadn't completely quit; I had just stopped trying to drink my problems away. I told him that I now have people who count on me to be there for them. Namely my daughter, my wife and really close friends. I explained that I have found out that it is easier to deal with life and be there for my family if I'm not plagued with a hangover.

He then asked me about the recent blogs that I've been writing. He jokingly asked if I was getting "all religious" on him; if maybe I was turning in to one of those "holier than thou" type people. I told him that this was not the case at all. I'm no more religious now than I've ever been. I have just come to terms with my beliefs. I told him how hard it was for me to get to this point. I explained how I always felt that I was alone. I then explained why I decided to write down my feelings about my faith and my God. I told him about my hopes that someone out there would read about my trials and realize that they are not alone. I told him about my hope of helping someone figure out their own beliefs by detailing all the trouble I'd run into. He said he understood and that he thought I was doing great thing.

Then he questioned me about my job situation. I broke it all down for him. I explained the good, the bad and the ugly. He seemed somewhat puzzled by the whole thing just like I was. He laughed when he said "I must not be talking to the Joe I know!" He wasn't joking when he said "The Joe I know would have never bowed his head down and kept on trucking". I explained that no, I'm not the same person. I've learned that violence and revenge is not always the way to go. Especially now that I'm a family man; my decisions in life now affect more than just me.

He then asked the question I was afraid he would ask; "Why do you bother doing this shit? Why do you keep your head up? Why don't you do things the easy way?" I sort of seen this question coming a mile away but it still took me a while to work up the courage to speak the answer I honestly thought about just letting him go at this point but then I thought to myself I've answered all the other questions. Why not this one?

I told him that it did bother me to no end that I did nothing but hold my head up and kept on going; but it was what was best for me and my family. I told him that it may not have been the easiest way to handle the situation, but I feel like a better person for it. I told him that having a family has totally changed my outlook on life. I feel that I have a reason to get out of bed every morning if not for me then for my wife and daughter and they make life worth not taking the easy way out.

I decided that his conversation had definitely run its course so I let him know that I was tired of speaking. I assured him we would talk again soon enough; so I got out of my chair in front of the mirror and went outside to smoke.