Inspired

Well this kind of comes out of the blue and I know it.
I never write in this damn blog but I was blinded by inspiration tonight as I'm driving down a road in some thick fog and I'm thinking about my day which leads to me thinking about my month and all that great shit. I am feeling depressed and mad as hell when I look up and I see a cross glowing in the distance. It's on a church steeple and it has halogen lights all in it so yes, it was literally glowing in the distance.

It made me start thinking about myself and the person I can be and the person that I am. So first I'm going to tell you about the person I can be…I can be hateful, vengeful and think only of myself and what I want. I can be one of those people who believe in the "eye for an eye" theory. Sometimes I think I should be this man. I feel like I should go through with the things I feel inside.

· I should let no man put me down.
· I should let no man talk to me like I am beneath him.
· If a man treats me like I am beneath him I should beat the hell out of him till he understands that he is not above me.
· I should find the people who are weak in my life and treat them as if they are beneath me.

Let them know that if they are going to act like a bitch they should be treated as such.
· I feel that I could prove by bringing pain and fear into people, that I can be on top of the dog pile that is life.

I have read in the Bible that it should be "an eye for an eye", yet I know that I am an equal to everyone else. No man is above me, or I above him. I know that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that I could act this way and be forgiven in the end. I could be wicked and still make it into the kingdom of the Lord.

Then I think about what the "cross" means to me. I know that Jesus died on that cross for my sins, so that I can be forgiven. But I also know that I would be doing Him no honor by entering heaven on a technicality. I think about the person I am and the person I should always be. I am a forgiving person, no matter how many times I've been fucked over in the past. I still find a way in my heart to forgive. This may make me a sucker in some people's eyes.

I tend to love many people who in the eyes of others should not be loved. I am a giving person even to those would not give me a thing. I do sometimes feel like I am I damn fool for these things but it's who I am.

Please don't think I am I comparing myself to Jesus, I am not perfect by far. I just want everyone to know these things about me because I feel that some should think long and hard about the way they themselves have acted. I want you to know that I am thankful for the people who have and who still do love me. I am blessed for the people who forgave me for horrible things I have done in the past. Most of all, I am thankful for my God who realizes that no man is perfect. I thank Him for giving everyone a chance, especially those of us who may be good people but are guilty of horrible thoughts.I don't know if this will make sense to anyone but I just felt like I had to write it.