Why Bother Questioning It?

I've been hit by inspiration once again but this time I've been at war with myself the past week and a half. I find myself being so confused; I've never really found myself to be one to share my feelings with the general public. I feel as if I'm being told to write this. I feel that I need to write. I'm sure that my thoughts are going to bring a lot of scrutiny, but for those who feel the need to argue and question me this probably wasn't meant for you. However, if you do disagree please feel free to share your thoughts with me. I do welcome it; honestly I love to know others opinions. I really hope this is for a good cause. Maybe I'll show somebody out there that they are not alone.

The last couple of weeks have been hard on me. I lost a job that I actually somewhat enjoyed. However, the more I think about it; it's probably a good thing. It means I'll be making a new chapter in my life.

As usual, with everything that goes wrong, I question why this is happening. I have found myself talking to God a lot lately. It seems to me that my prayers have gone unanswered, but maybe they have been answered. Maybe I've just been too busy blaming and questioning Him to listen.
I thought to myself about all the times I've ever questioned the Lord. Many people are shocked to learn that I used to be an overtly religious person. I used to be a choir boy, I would go to church every Sunday, Wednesday and any other day the doors where open.

Then something happened in my life that turned that around. I won't say that I lost faith in God; however, I did lose my faith in organized religion. I somewhat felt that this caused me to fall from His good graces.

It all started with a question. This question is one that I am sure many have said and/or heard before. "Why does God …" or "Why did God…" We have all heard that as a Christian we are not supposed to question God or His will. I've been told that the Bible says that we should not question Him and I have a problem with that.

I believe that the Bible is God's word. However, I also know that the Bible was written by man. The problem with this is that man has his own mind and his own beliefs. I think that being told we should not question the Bile is wrong. How do we know that this "rule" is not a man's opinion that was put in there to influence the reader?

If God did not want us to question Him, he could have easily made us blind believers. God didn't do that though. Instead He gave us free will and a mind of our own. Am I a bad person because I see absolutely nothing wrong with questioning God?

I pray that people would stop downing those of us who do question. There is nothing in the Bible that says if you question God you're sinning. Believe me, I've read it thoroughly. Nowhere in the Bible does it state that we are wrong for this. Instead the criticism comes from those who believe we are wrong. My question to them would be what happened to all that mess about casting the first stone?

My main point to writing this is to let people know that they are not alone. That just because you don't believe in an organized religion doesn't mean that you love God any less. God sees and hears you. I am certain that your God loves you for you. The only thing I know that God asks of each of us is for you to believe in Him. He doesn't tell you that the only way you can get to Heaven is by going to church. Going to Heaven is a reward given to each of us simply for believing, trusting, and living by His word.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

The next time someone tells you that you are wrong for questioning God or that you are wrong for not belonging to a church remember it's not them that you have to answer to. The best response would be to simply smile and walk away.

Inspired

Well this kind of comes out of the blue and I know it.
I never write in this damn blog but I was blinded by inspiration tonight as I'm driving down a road in some thick fog and I'm thinking about my day which leads to me thinking about my month and all that great shit. I am feeling depressed and mad as hell when I look up and I see a cross glowing in the distance. It's on a church steeple and it has halogen lights all in it so yes, it was literally glowing in the distance.

It made me start thinking about myself and the person I can be and the person that I am. So first I'm going to tell you about the person I can be…I can be hateful, vengeful and think only of myself and what I want. I can be one of those people who believe in the "eye for an eye" theory. Sometimes I think I should be this man. I feel like I should go through with the things I feel inside.

· I should let no man put me down.
· I should let no man talk to me like I am beneath him.
· If a man treats me like I am beneath him I should beat the hell out of him till he understands that he is not above me.
· I should find the people who are weak in my life and treat them as if they are beneath me.

Let them know that if they are going to act like a bitch they should be treated as such.
· I feel that I could prove by bringing pain and fear into people, that I can be on top of the dog pile that is life.

I have read in the Bible that it should be "an eye for an eye", yet I know that I am an equal to everyone else. No man is above me, or I above him. I know that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that I could act this way and be forgiven in the end. I could be wicked and still make it into the kingdom of the Lord.

Then I think about what the "cross" means to me. I know that Jesus died on that cross for my sins, so that I can be forgiven. But I also know that I would be doing Him no honor by entering heaven on a technicality. I think about the person I am and the person I should always be. I am a forgiving person, no matter how many times I've been fucked over in the past. I still find a way in my heart to forgive. This may make me a sucker in some people's eyes.

I tend to love many people who in the eyes of others should not be loved. I am a giving person even to those would not give me a thing. I do sometimes feel like I am I damn fool for these things but it's who I am.

Please don't think I am I comparing myself to Jesus, I am not perfect by far. I just want everyone to know these things about me because I feel that some should think long and hard about the way they themselves have acted. I want you to know that I am thankful for the people who have and who still do love me. I am blessed for the people who forgave me for horrible things I have done in the past. Most of all, I am thankful for my God who realizes that no man is perfect. I thank Him for giving everyone a chance, especially those of us who may be good people but are guilty of horrible thoughts.I don't know if this will make sense to anyone but I just felt like I had to write it.